April Bonus Episode: Eclipse

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[01:35] It's a motherfucking bonus. Before we get into it, must or might I say, your hair has such a good swoop right now. [01:46] has it just did it and i said wow sometimes it falls into a good swoop and sometimes it falls into a soup that makes me look crazy no it's a great soup thank you you're giving patricia at sure oh that's a swoop that's a nice that's a swoop a loop that's a swoop there it is i'm into it and you know what we're gonna be covering today everybody [02:06] Eclipse. Eclipse. We're gonna do it. I'm excited. This is, I think, my least favorite of the five movies. Yeah, it's pretty gnarly. But... [02:18] It's there's fun parts of there is. Oh, yeah, there's a lot to talk about. So but before we get into that really, really quick. [02:25] Go check out my socials really quick. I mentioned it on the last Morbid episode, but if you have been looking to pre-order a signed copy of The Butcher Legacy, because I know some people are looking for some signed copies because they were gone at Barnes & Noble, go check out my socials because I partnered with Premier Collectibles, and I signed a bunch more book plates that we're going to be putting on The Butcher Legacy. And you can go snatch them up right now. It's a limited quantity, not quality. It's very... [02:55] very high quality I've seen them happen they're super high quality but they're limited quantity of them so go grab them pre-order your signed copy of the butcher legacy I sign them in the pod lab with my hands

[03:09] They are signed. And you can go to premiercollectibles.com backslash butcher. And the link will be in our bio on our socials. Hell yeah. So go do that. And, you know, I'll keep signing as much as I can. She better. You know, I'll keep doing it. As long as you guys want it, I'll do it. [03:28] I mean, what more can you ask for? I'm saying. But now... [03:33] eclipse into the show. Let's fucking talk about this guy. I reread the book. In one day? In like a day and a half, I would say. And I like [03:43] speed read like it wasn't a full let me let me envelop myself in this world that's probably good um but actually it's behind me and i need it for reference uh when i tell you [03:55] This bitch has a copy of Eclipse that is full of little post-it notes. I do. We should post this. Yeah, we absolutely should. With the bonus. That's insane. Yeah. I got into it. I just have a Google Doc, like a normal person. Yeah, I got one of those too. So we got this. The book... [04:15] It's a wild ride, in my opinion. Yeah, because I think the characters in the book are so much worse than they are in the movie. They are, and I feel like that goes throughout the series. Yeah. [04:26] Not all the characters, but... No, not all of them. And we'll get into this for sure, but Charlie... [04:32] is fucking terrible in the book. And Jacob, I would say, is worse. Yeah, he might be a little worse. Yeah, he actually is. He's still, I mean, he's pretty bad in the movie. Like, he is. In this movie, like, let's...

[04:42] Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Well, first of all, let me tell you. So this book came out August 7th, 2007. The Eclipse book. I was 11. Holy shit. I was out of high school. You were 21. Yep. And the movie came out June 24th, 2010. Okay. So just to give you some kind of idea on that. I also looked up the box office because I was really interested to see at this [05:12] grossing film of the series domestically. Interesting. I guess it was made for 68 point. The budget was 68.5 million. Wow. It made 760 million worldwide. Holy shit. So they made back that budget. I would say so. Yeah, they did that. That's crazy. I don't think I saw this one in theaters. [05:33] I can't remember, though. [05:36] Cannot remember. Yeah, for some reason I can't. I think I watched it when it came to... [05:41] Like on demand. Yeah. I can't remember. On demand. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember. I know. I know we together saw one of the breaking dons in theaters. I think it was the first one. Yeah. We definitely saw at least one of them. Yeah. Yeah. [05:55] But you know what? In this one, I have to say... [05:59] It's shocking. [06:01] Like... [06:01] The character, because Edward has like weird character growth. [06:06] But also he, like, falls back. Well, and Jacob just tumbles backwards. Like, he devolves in a way I can't even... I feel like it's a cat... I know she didn't mean to, she says, but... Stephanie Myers, but... Or Meyer. But...

[06:21] I, it's like a character assassination of Jacob. I fully think so. Because you and I were talking about it, like, before we started recording this. And in part two, you understand Jacob. Like, he could be a little much, for sure, with, like, his feelings for Bella. But, like, he's rightfully angry at Edward for abandoning her in the woods, which is crazy. Absolutely. And, you know, they're growing, they're hanging out all the time. They seem to have feelings for each other. Yeah, so you [06:51] the fuck and he's like rightfully angry he doesn't make like the best choices yeah but then in this one [06:56] He just assaults Bella numerous times. He loses his goddamn mind. Yeah. He loses his goddamn mind in this one. Yeah. And he's, like, snarky as fuck in this one. Yeah. But it doesn't work because, like, Jacob... [07:10] He has like a little... [07:12] edge. He's a werewolf, so I guess he's got a little something to him there, like a little edge. But like, [07:19] It's not... [07:21] It's not charming. Well, that's the thing. It's not like a sexy edge. Yeah. It's like you're a douchebag. Like I'm genuinely worried about my safety kind of edge. And that's not where you want to be. It's just like beyond an edge. Yeah. But Edward... [07:34] I gotta say... [07:36] Because in the first two books and then the first two movies... [07:39] Edward is... [07:41] Weird. [07:42] Not great, guys. Like when I was first reading this, I remember being like, oh, my God, vampire. And even now I'm like, oh, my God, vampire. But now I'm just kind of like, wow, you're like really controlling.

[07:55] And you also treat Bella like she's like a tiny baby child. Well, everybody does. Like I've said it the last couple that we've done of these. [08:05] Bella is so baby girl coded. She's so baby girl coded. It's like, oh, like he has to explain things to her. Yeah. And he's like, well, you just don't get it because you're just like a little girl. Well, and also like while we're talking about that, I saw a lot of people saying, because I was just like reading online forms and stuff. [08:22] Alice is very similar to Edward in that way. They make it seem like her and Bella are like bestie girls. Yep. But a lot of times she's kind of manipulating, or not even kind of, just like straight up manipulating Bella into Edward's every whim. Yeah. Like, he offers her a Porsche to kidnap Bella so that she doesn't go see Jacob in the book. Yeah. [08:43] And it's like, [08:44] What? And what? She also, and like, obviously I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself, but [08:50] I know in the in the movie, it kind of ends with like they're going to get married and la-di-da-do and Alice is going to plan the whole thing. She Alice like kind of forces Bella into letting her plan the whole thing in the book. Yeah. And it's like definitely does. [09:03] Okay. And she steps in a lot and is like... [09:07] It's like... [09:08] It's masked, like you said, as like, oh, we're just best friends. And I'm just like, this is who I am. And I just love doing this. But I'm sorry if like she keeps jumping in and being like, I got you this dress that you can wear for this thing. Right. And you can look like this for this. Right. And I think you should do that for that. I'm not your doll. Just let me. And it's like she wants to plan things.

[09:29] All the parties, which is like that... [09:31] On the surface. Yeah, nice. Cool. She's good at planning parties. Like, that's fine. But it's like underneath that is like I'm controlling everything. Yeah. And this is all mine. Right. And also you're going to owe me. [09:43] Exactly. So that's how I see it. It's one thing for her to plan like the prom party or whatever. I can't remember if it's the prom party or the graduation party that she throws. It honestly might be too. She plans all of them. But your wedding? Yeah. Like you can have somebody help you plan that. She plans her birthday, her wedding, her graduation party. You got to plan a party, babe. Yeah. [10:03] Like, or at least give her the option to. Exactly. Like, no one really gives Bella the option to... [10:10] to do anything. No, they even tell her how she feels about them. Oh, Jacob loves telling her how she feels. Even Edward, it's like who I'm saying has some growth here, but like, by no means is perfect. It's like... [10:22] He... [10:24] He doesn't listen to the fact that she's sitting there at one point. Because obviously the whole thing of this is like, Bella's super horned up. Bella wants to fuck. Can we please just fuck? And Edward is very against this. Because he's like, I'll kill you. And he's like, I'll kill you, blah, blah, blah. I'll lose control. But then he's like... [10:44] okay, when we're married, I want to wait until I'm married. And it's like, [10:49] but she gets to be included in that decision too one you don't like and obviously you both have to like decide this but when she's talking about it she's basically saying especially in the book that like

[11:01] She's like, I want to do this before I'm a vampire, which is fair. I'm a human. I want to experience this as a human because I don't know who I'm going to be when I'm a vampire. I'm not going to be just this anymore. And he's like, yeah, yeah. Like, no, you'll still be my Bella. And it's like, no, she didn't ask that. She didn't ask what she will be to you. She wants to like, and you're just not listening to her. Nobody listens. And it's like, and obviously, again, she's not like she can force him to do it. [11:31] choice in this as well. But they're not having a back and forth. Yeah, it felt like he just wasn't lit. When he just says, will you always be my Bella? I was like, that's not the point. It's literally just like, [11:40] boop. Yeah, like, it's just like, this isn't about you. This is about her right now. Like, let her tell you how she's feeling here. And it's like, and then there's that, like, whole thing about, like, [11:51] You know, do you not trust... [11:53] that I'm going to turn you, I'm going to keep my promise. And like, and then he's like, how do I know that you're not going to get what you want, and then refuse to marry me right away. And I was like, do you see how this is not a good relationship? If you guys are questioning all this? Do you see how you're 17 years old? Like, what the fuck? Experience more of life. But I do have to give it to Edward. When I say he had growth, like, [12:15] In this one, he starts kind of... Like we were saying before, he's very baby girl. And he still is. But in this one, he at least... [12:22] says several times that he trusts... [12:25] uh, Bella's judgment. Yeah. And that if she feels like something is right or the right thing to do, he just has to trust her regardless of how he feels. But it's only in certain aspects. Yeah. Because like I said, he literally offers Alice a Porsche to go kidnap Bella so that she doesn't make a choice that she wanted to make. Exactly. And that's, and he, but he is honestly, I'll give him this. He is so fucking patient with the Jacob shit. He is. Oh,

[12:50] In the movie, it starts right away. And when I, she just hops on the back of Jacob's bike when he is like, okay, like, let's go to the reservation. I'll tell you everything that Edward hasn't told you. It's like. [13:02] And just leaves him standing there. I'm sorry. I can't imagine if my man's was Edward and I hopped on the back of somebody else's bike. Yeah. [13:10] my mans would not put up with that and i wouldn't expect my mans to it's your mortal enemy that's crazy like i had i was watching this on my uh my laptop this morning and uh my girls were like sitting doing something like near me and so they were kind of like every now and again looking over and being like what is this so i was explaining like the very generalized version of like this [13:40] saw like um Bella and Edward interacting and she saw it a couple of times and at one point after like the third time she goes [13:47] they don't seem like they really like each other that much. And I was like, I know. Like, she was like, they're just always, like, snapping at each other. Like, that doesn't seem like a nice relationship. Well, it's funny because... [13:58] Like, they are snapping at each other all the time, like, as characters. But, like, also just as two humans, they don't really have a lot of chemistry. Which is insane, because they were together. Because they dated, yeah. Like, they were, like, madly in love, supposedly. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty... [14:13] And at one point I was pretty proud because that like towards the end of it, all three of my girls agreed that they would pick neither. That's good. That was like, good for you. They were like, yeah, it doesn't make sense. And one of my middle was like,

[14:26] She was like, well, I don't really understand how she can pick either because they both hate each other. Yeah. And if you're friends with one and trying to, like, date the other... [14:35] That won't work if they hate the other person. I was like... [14:38] You are more logical than adults here. Also, like, we're, they're being raised so differently than we were, because I was like, oh my god, you gotta pick Edward. Oh my god. Oh my god. I was like, don't pick either of these fools. Yeah, no. No, I was like, pick Charlie. [14:53] Not book Charlie. Not book Charlie. You can pick Zaddy Charlie from the movie. Holy shit, but not book Charlie. Book Charlie. [15:01] Like, maybe we should, we're going to be out of order here, because we don't do these in, like, a narration. Yeah, we're just, like, shooting the shit. [15:07] Charlie? Yeah. [15:09] Charlie literally is the worst. Let me open my book. Book Charlie is a... How did you even organize that? Is an asshole on a way I can't even describe. I'm just going to go through. Just 17 post-its over here. Yeah. Just like tons of post-its. Do you hear her flicking through this? You probably will. Just flickity flick flick. [15:28] I gotta find where I wrote what the fuck Charlie [15:32] Because that's one of the things I wrote. Are you going to read an excerpt? Here, hold on. What the fuck is this, Charlie? That's what it says. She did, in fact, write that. Yeah. So in chapter nine in the book, when I think he's talking about how, like, he wants her to call Jacob. He's, like, trying to push that whole thing. And she's kind of being like, no, I don't want to deal with this. And, like, you know, get out of my business kind of thing. He's like, aren't you going to call him? And she's like, no. And she goes up the stairs. And he says...

[16:01] And I quote, [16:02] That's not very attractive behavior, Bella. Forgiveness is divine. [16:08] Charlie. [16:10] What? [16:11] I said, excuse me? Numero uno, what a weird fucking thing to say to your daughter. The day... [16:17] That I hear my husband tell one of my daughters that's not very attractive behavior. I'm not trying to be attractive. Is the day I light him on fire. Like that sense that you just get rid of the whole thing. Yeah, I'll come over. You can't save that. Like, why are you saying that to your daughter? First of all, forgiveness is divine. Forgiveness is divine. You don't even know what we're arguing about. Shut the fuck up. You're uninformed, my guy. You're very uninformed. And I have more. [16:46] stupid Charlie shit in the book here. Well, because even when he is informed, he doesn't really give a shit. Oh, yeah, because I have another thing that just says Charlie in here. And this is in, like, in the 300s range. And it's after... [17:02] uh jacob has forced himself on bella kissing her yeah and which we'll get to that because that whole scene in the book is even more upsetting read that scene first because i think you need to hear how it's described in the book before you hear charlie's reaction all right so let me get to the to the part in the book not to direct you here i'm like hold on backtrack that because so even in the movie just while you're looking for that i'll go through it even in the movie like he kisses her [17:27] And it's a lot in the movie. Yeah. [17:29] But in the book, it is a million times worse. That's the, and in the, in the movie, it happens so fast. And it's still upsetting. But it's kind of like, but you're like, oh God. And she kind of pushes him away. It's like, what the fuck? Like, you know? And she punches him. Yeah.

[17:42] In the book, this is how it says the first kiss. This is what it says. So first she starts to object, but it was too late. He stopped her before she could even say the word no completely. And it says his lips crushed mine, stopping my protest. He kissed me angrily, roughly, his other hand gripping tight around the back of my neck, making escape impossible. [18:04] Oh? Yeah. I shoved against his chest with all my strength, but he didn't even seem to notice. [18:10] And then she says, I grabbed at his face, trying to push it away, failing again. He seemed to notice this time, though, and it aggravated him. [18:21] She's pushing him away, and it... [18:24] aggravated him. Ready? Ready for the next one? His lips forced mine open. [18:30] And I could feel his hot breath in my mouth. Ew, you motherfucker. [18:34] And then this is the part that really gets... So that is already... You're like, what the fuck? Yeah, no consent. That's assault. This one little paragraph... [18:44] is so upsetting because I know a lot of people and a lot of women. Yep. Have experienced. Know this feeling right here. Yep. Acting on instinct. I let my hands drop to my side and shut down. [18:57] I opened my eyes and didn't fight, didn't feel, just waited for him to stop. [19:04] How is that? [19:05] even remotely. [19:07] romantic. Before you even get to Charlie's reaction about that, I need to go to the archive that we always reference, Stephanie Meyer's archive. Oh, yeah. I love the archive. So there's FAQs about each book. Yeah. And this one is in Eclipse. One of the frequently asked questions is, what are characters' biggest mistakes in Eclipse or their tragic flaws? So she says, Bella's is lack of self-knowledge. She never would have pursued her friendship with Jacob if she had

[19:37] Thank you. [19:38] And then Edwards, I think his was self-control, she said. [19:43] Jacob! [19:45] doesn't have a tragic flaw oh she writes could have fooled me he has one goal and one hope his goal is to save bella's life his hope is that he'll win her heart in the process he fails at both but that doesn't mean he regrets trying if he could do it over again he'd do the same thing whoa jacob couldn't live with himself if he didn't give saving bella his best effort he knows it's going to hurt when he loses but he knows it would hurt worse if he didn't try does he do everything [20:15] and he's making it up as he goes along. [20:17] Like, he should probably make it up better. Those who are upset by some of his tactics should consider his youth and the fact that he is, after all, right. Bella's in love with him. In the end, it's truly healthier for her to be aware of this as she goes forward with unalterable decisions. [20:33] Wow. So Bella has to be told like Jacob is right about the fact that Bella is in love with him, according to Stephanie Meyer. And she needs to listen to him about her feelings that he's saying she has. [20:45] Yeah. [20:46] Listen to the man. He knows better. She doesn't have any autonomy. She doesn't know how she feels. She needs to be told. No, and as we will see, especially in Eclipse... [20:56] They make it pretty clear that not many women have autonomy in this one. Like, hello? Not many of them have it. Hello? Also, if he could do it over again, he'd do the same thing. Damn. Damn is what I say. Well, and that's when it gets worse because she punches him in the face in that scene. And she breaks her hand. And she breaks her hand. Because he's so chiseled. And so he has to bring her back to Charlie. And in the movie, which, like, I got to tell you, in the movie when Edward is just, like, appears. Honey, that's such a...

[21:26] so angry and all up in Jacob's face. I was like, that's what I remember. We were watching it today. That's what I remember. I go, oh, I love this part. Yep. We were both like, oh shit. I love, that's when I like Edward. I like when he gets mad. But even, I will say, because we're about to read Charlie's reaction in the book, Charlie's reaction in the movie isn't that great either. It's not great, but it's far and away better than this. Oh, absolutely. Because in the movie, he just kind of stands between them, which I understand. Yeah. Because they're about to fight. What the fuck's going on? And Jacob says, [21:55] like Bella thinks she broke her hand and he's like what and she's like punching me in the face and he he kind of like looks at him like what and then he's like I tried to kiss or I kissed her yeah and he just kind of looks and you can tell he's like I don't know how to react to this like because they're both there and like that's weird it's not a great reaction but it's not great not terrible when you look at this but that's the thing this is what and that's kind of it so in the book though Jacob just walks on into the house welcome feels absolutely nothing about what just [22:25] and he's like hey and she walks by Charlie to go get ice because no one's getting her ice either she's just going to walk over her broken hand and Charlie says what's wrong with her? [22:37] Don't ask her. Ask Jacob. Yeah. And he Jacob says she thinks she broke her hand. [22:43] Not even she did break her. She thinks she broke her. Like, she's crazy. Like, you know, hysterical girl. And he says, how did she do that? And she says, as my father, I thought Charlie ought to sound a bit less amused and a bit more concerned. And I said, no.

[22:56] Yeah, sister. Jacob laughed. She hit me. [23:00] Oh, Charlie laughed, too. And I scowled while I beat the tray against the edge of the sink. Why did she hit you? [23:08] Because I kissed her, Jacob said, unashamed. Good for you, kid. Charlie congratulated him. I have several things to say about this. Good for you, kid. Um... [23:19] So many things to say about that. Okay, so the second that Jacob said... [23:23] She hit me. [23:25] I can tell you with 100% certainty, I would lay down my entire life on this bet. Yep. That if I walked in with my best guy friend... [23:35] And I know exactly if I walked in in high school with my friend Derek, who was like my parents knew him, like everybody. One of my best guy friends. If I walked in there with him and I was holding a broken hand. [23:49] And my dad's because sure, my dad looks at him and says, what happened? Yeah. If he said she hit me. [23:56] My dad would have had Derek out in the forest. 100%. You would have been like, what the fuck did you do that she hit you? 100%. Like, that would have been, it wouldn't have even been a thought. He would have been out of that house faster than you could blink. It wouldn't be, why did, you know, why did she hit you? It would be, what did you do to make her hit you? Exactly. Like, it would be fully on him. Why did she have to act in self-defense against you? That would be it.

[24:26] me in the face. She had to act in self-defense. And your first response to that? [24:31] Is it good for you? Good for you, kid. Instead of... [24:36] oh, you did it without her consent. What the fuck is wrong with you? [24:41] like that and that's not even the end of how fucked up the men are around her in this scene because it's not even just charlie i know because first of all jacob is being a little dick like he thinks this whole thing is funny like he's not bothered about it at all and then when she tells jacob when he's like what happened on the phone edward [25:00] Or Edward. He's like, what happened? And she says, I punched Jacob. [25:04] His response... [25:06] should be [25:08] What happened? What did he do that you needed to punch him? Nope. He says, good. [25:12] Though I'm sorry you're hurt. [25:15] You don't want to know why? [25:17] And she has to say several little things like she's like, oh, I wish I had hurt him. I didn't do any damage at all. Bop of up about it's several ways down where he says, what did he do? [25:29] Like, hello? [25:31] Like, do any of you care that you if she's punching her best friend, a man? Yeah. Yeah. [25:37] You should be concerned about what he did to deserve that. And then it gets even worse. I was going to say, what does he say? Because I don't remember. [25:44] So then... [25:45] So Edward arrives. This is in the book. Edward arrives and Jacob and Edward are kind of like going at each other a little bit, like just right, right, right, right. And Charlie comes in and of course only says to Edward, like, hey, like you got to back off. And then he says, I can go put on my badge if it makes my request more official. Mm hmm.

[26:04] And Edward says that won't be necessary. And that's when Bella says, why don't you arrest me, dad? I'm the one throwing punches. Like, are you seeing anything that's happening here? [26:13] And his response... [26:15] Charlie raised an eyebrow. Do you want to press charges, Jake? [26:19] Brother. Brother, Jake's not the one that was assaulted. How about you ask your daughter that? And to ask your own, in front of your own fucking daughter? Ask this boy? Do you know what's so sad? Like what? Do you know what's so sad? [26:35] This is probably, like, at least somewhat similar to an experience that a lot of girls have probably had. This is so fucked up. Like, we're lucky, like, we had pop up. [26:43] but i can't imagine dads are like this i can't imagine that is obviously for that to have been written in a book that's yeah in some kind of reality of course it is which is awful i just cannot fathom it that's insane i really can't i can't fathom it which is nice that we can like it is that was the worst i was like charlie [27:03] You are so... [27:05] attractive in the movie and you are so unattractive in the book yeah like really are goddamn he's a bridge troll in the book like that's so fucked up is it billy burke who's the yes actor [27:18] Billy Burke really saved Charlie Swan. He did. He really did. He really, really did. He really saved. He made him what he is. So like... [27:26] Hats off to Billy Burke. Yeah, period.

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[30:49] and that's the thing it's like when i say edward had growth it's like only so much yeah because like he wasn't quite linear again he's very patient with the jacob shit [31:03] like this kind of thing, he could have killed them right then and there. 100%. Because they're supernatural creatures. It's not like these are two humans. [31:10] He's super bait and he's baited. [31:13] the entire movie by Jacob. Yeah. Baited. And he does manage to keep his shit together, which, like, I realize the bar is in hell here, but, like... [31:22] That is the universe we're currently watching right now. Can we jump forward, like, massively? Yeah. To when they are... So, like, the newborns are coming, which, like, we'll get to. Oh, my God. You've seen this if you're listening, most likely. So the newborns are coming. They're, like, they mark Bella's scent in the field. Yeah. And her and Edward hike up to this, like, crazy peak to stay away from everything. And Jacob is there. And Bella, it's snowing for some reason in June on this mountain peak. I realize it snows on mountain peaks, but, like, it wouldn't happen June. Like, actively snowing. Actively. [31:52] outside. I think it could have snow on the peak in June, but like... [31:56] an active snowstorm i feel like is crazy yeah definitely so bella's like freezing obviously and like edward is fine because he's dead and jacob is super duper warm so he comes inside and he's like i can't focus with all the teeth chattering like let me just keep her warm and yeah edward is like no like fuck you and i can hear your thoughts like not gonna happen yeah he's like finally he relents because bella's gonna get frostbite otherwise and he literally jacob looks

[32:26] than you let's face it i'm hotter than you and then i said that's nuts and then he says that she would warm up faster as he's holding her now she would warm up faster if she took her clothes off [32:39] He says this aloud to her in front of her man. [32:44] there's so much wrong with that first of all to say that at all in front of bella is while you're holding her is fucked up and weird when she's already now punched you because you made an advance on her and when she's made it fucking clear that's what she's not looking for that that's exactly what i'm saying and you're sitting there manipulating this situation and saying something so gross and like and piggish and now now she knows like she does need you [33:14] otherwise and you're cradling her and she knows that you're thinking about her with her clothes she knows you have like a boner and are sitting there like snuggling up against her and she can't do anything else about it because she's gonna die otherwise and poor edward can hear everything he's thinking yeah like honestly [33:31] Anybody who is team Jacob after Eclipse, please come to the front and explain yourself. Please. Because I can't... I see... I get it from the first two movies. I get it. I see a lot of people saying that he's just a kid and he doesn't know any better. No, babe. He's a teenager. But I do... The majority of people are... Yeah. They feel how we feel. I can't... And when... [33:50] When he says, can't you at least, like when Edward's like, can't you at least attempt to control your thoughts?

[33:57] That was a very nice fucking way to put that. It was. Like, and in the book, he says something like, I can hear your, like, every little fantasy you're having right now. And I was like... [34:08] Get it together. He's disgusting. Get it together. Like, that's so gross. Get it together. He also tells, Jacob tells Edward in this moment, at least in the movie, if you had stayed away another six months, I could have had a chance. Yeah. Yeah. [34:20] Why would you want a chance if it if your only chance relied on the one that she actually loved being away for like a period of time? Yeah, that's not real. No, you're a replacement. Why do you want that? Don't you want somebody who just wants you immediately? You would think like I don't understand that. [34:38] Well, then after this... [34:40] Like, in the movie... [34:42] Like, Bella and Edward have, like, a discussion the next morning, and the idea of, like, them being married. Because also, they're engaged already, because they got engaged the night before this. Yeah, which I'm going to get to that, too, because she... [34:55] has a wild reaction in the book to it. But she so they're talking about it. And he says something like, you know, in the book, I think he says, like, the best night was when you agreed to marry me. [35:06] And then, like, he says something else in the movie that... [35:09] That is alluding to the fact that they're getting married. And in the movie, you know, Jacob is just like standing a little ways away. So he's like, so he hears it. And when he walks out, she's like, you knew he was listening. [35:22] And Edward's like, he deserves to know. I do the same thing. Well, and then she flips out at Edward and is like, you're an asshole! And like runs away. Because now Jake's going to go kill himself.

[35:31] But in the book... [35:33] She he's like further away when he hears this and in wolf form and he's in wolf form. So when he says this, all of a sudden you hear Jacob like howl in pain, like a heartbreaking howl from like a long ways away. And she doesn't blame Edward in the book, because of course not. She starts blaming herself. She's like, I'm awful. I can't believe I did this. I'm the worst. Like he even said, he's like, are you angry at me for saying that? And she's like, no, I'm angry at myself. [36:03] Like, I'm the worst. And then Edward wants to, like, chill her out so much that he's like, [36:07] do you want me to go get Jacob and you can like talk this out? Like I'll go get him. Cause he's like, he's like, [36:12] Imagine having to do that. And he does. He goes and gets him. And then he's like, I'm going to give you guys time to talk about this. That is such a... In the book. It's such an inappropriate... Like, there's no boundaries within this relationship as far as, like, her friendship goes with Jacob. And then in both situations, she... [36:30] goes to talk to him about it and Jacob is like you know upset and whatever and he just immediately starts threatening suicide which is so manipulative it's so manipulative it's like what the fuck and then she's sitting there being like he's like you know what maybe I'll just you know do this or do that or maybe I'll just you know what I will go down in battle and I'll just let [36:54] I'll let it happen to me. And then at one point he's like, Oh, you know what? Maybe I could be passive about it. I'll just, I'll fight, but I'll, whatever happens happens.

[37:02] And it's putting it all on her. And I'm like, if I die, it's your fault. Because now I'm going to die sad. Like, no, even though I'm never going to be with you anyway. I'm going to die a sad boy. And it's like, that's literally not her fault. No. Um, and then there's like several times where she's like, [37:16] She keeps telling him, she's like, you know... [37:19] I don't love you like that. Like she said it before. I love you like a friend. And he keeps saying, you do love me. [37:24] And he's like, you do love me. You are attracted to me. You just don't understand it. And he even says at one point, like, you are more comfortable with me in my wolf form because you're not attracted to me. It's like, no, babe, she's probably more comfortable with you in wolf form because you can't shove your tongue down her throat. Oh, yeah. And she literally is like, no, it's because you shut the fuck up. Yeah. You can't talk. That's nice. And I'm like, take that hint, babe. Like when she's telling you, yeah, I like you as a fuzzy creature better because one, you can't make out with me. And two, you shut the fuck up. [37:54] information you need. But according to Stephanie Meyer, he's correct. Oh yeah, he's correct. But then he keeps saying he's going to kill himself, he's going to kill himself. And at one point, he's like, she's like, I don't want you to go away. And he's like, see? [38:11] And she's like, well, no, I love you. I don't want you to go away. It's not all or nothing. It's not... [38:16] If I love you in the way I love Edward... [38:20] then that means one thing. But like... [38:23] I want you know, I mean, like, just because I don't want you to go away doesn't mean I want to fuck you. Like, that's there's plenty of people in my life that I don't want to go away. You said this earlier, like, she doesn't want Charlie to go away. And she says that she's like, I feel that way about Charlie. Yeah, like, you're my family. I don't want something bad to happen to you. Like, I love you that way. And he's like, nope.

[38:43] You want to follow? No, you don't get it. And he keeps going, keeps going. And she finally is like, I want you to come back. And he's like, you should that he says, um, you could ask me. [38:56] Because remember... [38:57] And I don't think we mentioned this, but when he forced forcibly kisses her before in both the book and the movie, Edward is like, maybe you could wait for her to ask you. [39:06] Which I'm like, team Edward on that. Yeah. And so he, and he even says, Edward said, because at one point while they're talking... [39:12] I think Jacob asks Edward, like, what if she did ask me? [39:16] And he's like, then that's if she wanted to be with you. That's her choice. Right. I would respect her choice. [39:21] Which I'm like, again, King Edward. But in this one, Jacob says, you could ask me. And she's like, please come back. Thinking that's like, I'm asking you to come back. And he says, that's not what I'm talking about. So he's literally saying, I'm out. I'm going to kill myself. Or you could ask me. And she has to say, will you kiss me, Jacob? [39:43] That's insane. And literally the only reason... [39:48] that she does is to make him not kill himself. That's not healthy in any universe ever. It's the most toxic thing. And the makeout that they have... [40:01] Goes on for about four pages. Oh my god. It's so many pages. Four? So many pages. What the fuck? [40:08] how many pages because doesn't she picture their future together at one point and i guess they filmed this but they didn't like how the makeup looked i kind of wish they had it's apparently like top secret like i want it it was a deleted scene and i know like if you have the dvd or like the extended cut is it on there no oh there are deleted scenes that are included but this one is as like you can't find it anywhere but there's a couple pictures from on set oh that people have

[40:38] she starts picturing that, but it's only after he... [40:43] is intense, like, he does the angry, aggressive kiss, where... [40:48] She does the same thing. She balls her hands up at her side. She doesn't want to be kicked. And he forces her wrist up to the where his neck is. And she says she keeps her hand balled up. She doesn't even grab his neck. He holds her wrist there. [41:02] For a lot of the time and then finally let's go and then tells her she can do better than this. [41:10] Like she can kiss better? Yeah, because she's not kissing him back. [41:15] And he's literally like, you can do better than this. That is genuine. Like, obviously, the first one was upsetting. This one is so much more upsetting. It really is. And then he says, like, you can do better than this. Yeah. And she says and he says, for once, just let yourself feel what you feel. And she says, I shook my head mechanically until one of his hands wound back into my hair and stopped me. [41:38] And he says, are you sure you want me to come back or did you really want me to die? [41:44] So now he's like, you wanted me to die. And in the middle of it, because she's not kissing him back like he wants her to, he threatens again, do you want me to die? [41:53] Oh, my God. And she gets pissed and kisses him back. And then he and she's like angry. So she wants it. So she goes to like pull him away after this. And he takes that as like passion. And so he goes like harder. And that's when they fall. And this is even worse. So she was trying to pull him off angrily trying to pull him off. He takes it as passion. So he goes further. And then she said this was the moment she realized she was in love with him.

[42:24] maybe that's not love because he felt like such joy from like maybe that's not love that's stockholm syndrome yeah i said whoa that's that's something i have to wonder because obviously like i read that quote that stephanie wrote on her website like in 2007 i do have to wonder in today's lens if she if she would feel differently about i do wonder that like about thinking that [42:48] Jacob is correct in all of his feelings. Because... [42:52] I understand. Like, when I first saw this, when I read this kind of thing when I was younger, you know what I mean? Or, like, whatever. Yeah. Like... [42:59] I can understand people when they first read this when they're younger thinking this is like just so... All-consuming love. Yeah, like very like Wuthering Heights kind of thing. And what she did, this is inspired partly by Wuthering Heights. Oh, okay. Stephanie Meyer said she doesn't even like Wuthering Heights. Oh, that's great. [43:16] Like Heathcliff and, uh, is it Edgar and Heathcliff? I've never seen it. They're very, people will compare Jacob and Edward to them a lot. And, [43:26] And Heathcliff is like a dick. I know this premise, so I know it's similar, yeah. But it's like that, you... [43:32] I can understand why they get seen as these passionate over, but when you really dig at them, it just is really gross. And it's like these moments are really gross and they're not healthy. Right. [43:46] And they should stay in fiction. Yeah. We've, like, we talked about this before. I forget when I talked about it. Oh, I think I talked about this when I did the event with Elizabeth Arnott. Mm-hmm. At Unlikely Story, we were talking about how...

[43:59] Like, [44:00] It's wild when people, like, especially when women will fall in love with, like, serial killers and, like, go and, like, marry them. Um... [44:09] is hypercephalia. It's Bonnie and Clyde syndrome. And, um, [44:14] I was saying how like I just can't wrap my brain around it because in my mind. [44:19] I can at least sit there and, and know the difference between, because I love villains, like fictional villains. Right. And I know that, [44:27] that doesn't work in real life. A villain doesn't work in real life. I've dated a villain. It doesn't work in real life. And it's like, so you find that out. And it takes people a long time. Trust me. I was in my 20s being like, the villain will work out in real life. Like, what are we thinking about? I can fix him. But it's like, so I do wonder if like you look back on it now, if she can look back on it now, if she's like, [44:49] You know what? That wouldn't. Well, because, but again, it's fiction. So it's like, there is a line. I see what you're saying. But I think the problem in that scenario is Jacob is not written as a villain. [44:59] That is a big problem. [45:01] That is overarching in this series, I think. He's not presented as a villain. He is acting like how a villain would act, but he's not presented in that way. No, he's not. [45:14] oh, poor Jacob. He just loves her so much. It's true. He's really getting the shit under the stick here. Let's feel bad for him. Yeah. [45:21] No, he's acting like a fucking incel. Yeah, it's true. I think that is part of the problem is he's not... [45:29] given to you on a plate as a villain where you can accept it. No, you could buy a fucking t-shirt back in the day that said Team Jacob. Of course. Because you were, like, rooting for him to be the one that she loved. The one that gets her. Right. And it's like, that's the thing. Like, if you're presenting me a villain, like, you're presenting me...

[45:48] eric northman he is a blood he is very much a villain he's a villain through and through he is ruthless he is like a monster like does shit makes bad any and they are saying he is they're up front about it so it's like you can be like yeah like let's make him do villainous and you could be team eric like in a silly fun way exactly because you're like well he's a villain but also i think the other problem too is this is y.a [46:12] This isn't... [46:14] Like this was, am I correct? Why? Like, yeah. So that's not. [46:19] You can't present Jacob like this. And the audience is impressionable. Right. Much more impressionable than an adult audience. I read this and was like, oh, my God, that's kind of sexy. And I'm like, oh, my God, as an adult, like, holy shit. What? That's assault. Yeah. You know, like, and really you have to think like young girls are reading this and they might be in an experience like that. And then they're just going to be like. [46:42] Well, maybe I'm in love with this guy. Yeah, maybe I am. And maybe he's right. Like, that's why these things happen. It's true. It's not okay. No, it's so true. I hate it. Can we talk about the bracelet? Let's move on a little bit. Oh, my God. The fucking bracelet. Okay. So at... [46:55] Is it the post-graduation party? Yeah, it's the graduation party. He shows up, and she hasn't seen him after she punched him in the face because he kissed her. And she literally banned him from being anywhere near him. She was like, stay the fuck away from me. Yeah. So he rolls up to her graduation party, which is rude because he was uninvited. He was. And he's like, I'm sorry. Like, I know what I did was wrong, but I did bring you a gift. [47:15] He brings her a fucking bracelet where he's like whittled a wolf charm together to represent him.

[47:24] I'd be like, and she just wears that shit. You're a narcissist. Yeah. I got to wear you around now? That's the thing. Like, what the fuck? But she is. And it's like a tag. Like, it's literally like your mind. If there could have been an air tag in it, there would have been. And then she wears it in front of Edward. And is just like, yeah, like, Jake made it for me. And wearing it like... [47:46] you're in the cullen's house you're in the cullen's house and not they're mortal enemies she's wearing it i think like on the mountain after they've been engaged yeah [47:57] And not wearing her engagement ring. [47:59] Mama, you're not wearing your ugly-ass engagement ring, and you're wearing your ugly-ass wolf pendant? The fuck? It's the way, and that brings me right to how she reacts to the marriage thing in the book, because in the movie, she's also like... [48:19] She's more acting in the movie. [48:21] I would say, like, she's worried what people are going to think. [48:25] I think she even says in the beginning, and obviously it's kind of shitty, but she's like, what do you think when people get married? In the book, it is very much like Edward is forcing her to get married. She is not in any way, shape, or form into this. At one point, during their romantic night, [48:43] together where it's supposed to be romantic, but holy shit, it does not pan out the way that she's thinking. We'll get there. She says, like, they're talking about it. They're talking about, like...

[48:55] you know, [48:56] like they're talking about like the whole thing of like, you're going to, you know, are you going to agree to turn me? Are you going to follow through on your promise kind of thing? And, [49:05] He says at some point he like finishes. She's like, oh, and now all of a sudden I'm and he says, you're engaged. [49:13] And like he says it like just being sweet. Her response... [49:17] to that okay ew please don't say that out loud [49:23] I'm not kidding. That's like right after they get engaged. He literally says you're engaged and she just says, ew, please don't say that out loud. [49:32] They're not around anyone else. [49:34] Oh my God. They're not around anyone else. Can you imagine your motherfucking man's just gets down on one knee? Yeah. Like you're beautiful. You're gorgeous. You look like Linda Evangelista. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And you're like, Oh my God. Yes. Yeah. And then he's like, we're engaged. And you're like, ew. And then his response, he's like, [49:54] Excuse me? He says, da fuck? And he says, are you going back on your word? [49:59] And so she says, I glared at him. And then she says, and he says, are you? And she goes, oh, no, I'm not. Are you happy now? [50:07] Oh my God. And he just says exceptionally. [50:10] Are you exceptionally happy? [50:13] Babe, what? Babe, what? And he asks her, he says, are you happy? [50:18] And she says a little bit. And then she says, but not about getting married. [50:23] here's the thing it also makes no fucking sense that she's acting this way about getting married you're obsessed with him

[50:31] She literally at one point in the movie says, I want to tie myself to you in every human way possible. That's the most human way you can actually tie yourself. But then she also is like, it's just a piece of paper. Yeah. It's like, OK, one. No, it's not. It makes no sense. And during that. It's so contradictory. Yeah. [50:47] During that same, like, night. Like, right before that. Where she's trying to fuck. That bitch is so DTF. He, and he does it in the book, too. It's like a thing that happens in both. While they're making out, she is trying to get things going. And he literally says, Bella, stop trying to take your clothes off. I would find the nearest body of water and walk all the way into it. That would send me into psychosis. Like, I would go into psychosis. [51:17] I would die a virgin. I couldn't recover. I would die because I'd never want to attach that again. I would never recover from that. If you're getting freaky with your man and he says, stop trying to take your clothes. Oh my God. Why don't you just put a fucking bullet through my head? The way he says it is so fucking disgusted. He's like, stop trying to take, like, you whore. That's essentially what he sounds like he's saying there. He's like, no one wants to see that. No one wants to see that. [51:47] caressed in that moment. I cannot with that. That stresses me out in a way that I literally can't even deal with. No, I really hate it. I can't deal with it.

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[55:24] That's like the Bella and the Jacob and the marriage of it all. We also have to talk about, like, the whole premise, basically, like, like, the overarching premise is that Victoria is back and she wants to kill the shit out of Bella. Yeah. And here's here's one thing about me. OK, talk to me. So the way that she does that. [55:45] Because, you know, like Alice is like listening to her thoughts. Yeah. If she needs to get some people to do her bidding. Yes. Her new vampires. So she finds this guy. Riley. Riley. And she turns him. And at first, when I saw Riley running down the street, I was like, oh, okay, like whatever. [56:02] There he is. Yeah. And then they show him as a vampire. And I said, I'm into it. I was like Team Riley. Yeah. I seem to always be Team Riley. He's very like... I was Team Riley during Buffy, too. Yeah. Finn, comma, Riley. Finn, comma, hey. But I... [56:17] Love him as a vampire. Agreed. Didn't get enough of him as far as I'm concerned. I know. Would have loved to have seen him be menacing to everyone else. [56:25] Yeah, just so I'm lurking about a little bit. It's very kind of like glazed over. I think that's one of the bigger problems, too, is like... [56:33] I don't quite understand why she needs an army of vampires. I don't understand. To kill Bella. [56:39] Yeah. Because she could... [56:41] sort of just use Riley? I guess she wanted, like... [56:44] I know that's the thing. I feel like she could just use Riley, but then maybe she wanted like a bigger layer of protection. I don't know. [56:51] Yeah, yeah. [56:52] Did you come across anything in the illustrated guide? No, it's just kind of like the same kind of thing. It's more that she was...

[57:00] Is not going to put herself at risk. So she will do anything to make sure she's padded with enough. So maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's... It's like reinforcements. Because the whole thing is, I think Alice... [57:12] The reason Alice can't see that this is going to happen is because she hasn't met Riley before. I think in order for Alice to see your path, she has to know you. That makes sense. Which makes sense, because otherwise she'd just be seeing paths left and right. Yeah, I think that makes sense for sure. And I think in the book, and in the illustrated guide as well, we see that Riley is really struggling with... [57:34] Because Victoria is pretending to love him. To get him to do the bidding. To make him very loyal. Right. And so, but he's struggling with it and not sure if she's telling the truth. But he's, like, really obsessed with her loving him and, like, needing to know that he does. And I think we didn't get enough of that in the movie. You don't get a lot of it at all. It would have been nice to see that. Because then at the end, when Riley... [57:58] shows up and is listening to edward try to tell him like she doesn't love you like you're from forks bro like you know the area that's the only reason she grabbed you right you can see it like hitting yep but then it just kind of doesn't and like when he says you're dead yeah also for some reason i was like riley uh but oh that immediately does i thought that was kind of lame i kind of loved it okay i wanted it to go further though i hated that it got cut off right it does and also

[58:28] I think it's Seth. I have no idea. I'm pretty sure. All the wolves just be coming. I think it's the little baby Seth. Well, he just, like, rips his hand off. And I love the way they break, like, glass. Yeah, they shatter like marble. It's really cool. Well, and I think if we had gotten more of him being, like, in the movie, being... [58:44] like so obsessed with victoria and like being so insecure and having this like undying loyalty like you get a little bit of in the movie i just thought it could be a little further because i think then the end scene would have hit a little harder you would have felt more like oh fuck man like you were like you would have felt a little bit more like that when you were just kind of like oh that sucks bro like i was just kind of like bye yes and i think he was very good at being menacing [59:10] yeah i think so because that shot of them all coming out of the water could have gotten really fucking super hokey okay and he's scary in it like his face is scary he's for sure scary in it but that shit is funny that was great and that's the thing it's like it could have been so much funnier i think because he had like he's played by xavier samuel and i think he did a i think he would be really good at a villain like a bad guy because he he had menacing vibes to him he just wasn't given [59:40] as I'm concerned. Yeah. But yeah, I loved... I thought when they shatter into glass, I'm kind of obsessed with it. Especially when Victoria does ultimately get killed. Yeah, but I'm also... [59:51] Oh, hers is so cool. Hers is really cool. With the head. And it literally looks like crystal. Yes. Which is cool. But I also wonder sometimes why Stephanie Meyer...

[1:00:01] overcomplicated some of her lore because she really wrote herself into, like... She, like, wrote herself into corners sometimes. Yeah. Because... [1:00:12] Like... [1:00:14] They're like supposedly supposed to be like stone. [1:00:17] Yeah. Like marble. Yeah. That's why they're cold. That's why all that. Like they're hard. That's why they're clanking when they have sex. That's why they're clanking. And Edward has to listen to his family clanking. You've got to follow Sarah Gallagher on TikTok. I said this in the other ones, but keep doing it because she illustrates that with bulls. And she'll be like, this is all they hear. And she just clinks them together and it's the funniest shit. But also, they cannot, there's several layers to this. [1:00:41] They only kiss closed-mouthed. [1:00:44] In the book. Yeah. Yeah. [1:00:46] Because, one, he has marble hard lips. [1:00:50] So in one of the in the beginning of the book, she says, and I and I quote, [1:00:57] if I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing Edward. And she says, [1:01:02] There wasn't anything I'd experienced in my life that compared to the feeling of his cool lips, marble hard, but always so gentle, moving with mine. [1:01:12] Marvel hard. [1:01:15] Like that doesn't sound fun. It doesn't sound nice. And then on top of that, they can't open their mouth to kiss. The venom. Because venom is every single one of their bodily fluids, including their saliva. Right. So they can't make out. [1:01:30] So it's like... [1:01:31] Thank you.

[1:01:32] Why did you do that? Like, why did you make it like, and I think, and again, I think this is like a... [1:01:37] We're bringing the desire kind of thing to like a breaking point kind of, because they can't even open mouth kiss. You have not... [1:01:48] even made out well i'm also just like if you like you want to spend all your time are you just like [1:01:53] that's the thing. They're literally just going pecking over and over again because that doesn't sound very enjoyable. And I'm like, that's not, and they couldn't do that in the movie. So they were like, you know what? Fuck the venom thing. We're just going to like have to make out. And when it's like, when they can't translate it into film because it's that, [1:02:10] Wild? Yeah. [1:02:11] That you got to rethink that one. Like that one, that one's just like, I'm surprised nobody was like, we should rethink this one. Cause it causes a lot of problems later. Like, that's just, that's a lot. Yeah. [1:02:21] I don't understand. I'm like that. I feel like that could have been taken out. [1:02:25] Yeah. I don't think all their saliva needs to be venom. And again, like she's, you know, she's Mormon. So it's like, there's a lot of like, very chaste and yeah, you know, like, abstinence in favor in favor of abstinence. Yeah. Before marriage kind of undertones that we all know are flying throughout this. Yes. And I think this just adds to it because it's like, not only can they not fuck, but they can't even open mouth kiss because he's got [1:02:55] venom in his mouth. It's wild. It really is. It's like such a... Does the venom get into her mouth a little bit in the first one? And doesn't she like...

[1:03:04] almost pass out or something? [1:03:07] No, I don't think they... No? Because they don't follow that lore, like at least from the mouth. [1:03:14] Like that saliva has venom in it. Okay. I think in the movies they don't follow. No, no. I mean in the book. Doesn't something weird happen in the book where she almost passes out when they kiss? [1:03:22] Oh, yeah, she does almost pass out when they kiss. But I don't know. I think that's literally just because she because they don't open mouth kiss. That's her path. And I think we talked about it. She was almost passing out just from a marble hard, tight lipped kiss. [1:03:37] Fuck. [1:03:38] Yeah. [1:03:39] So then again, when I look at it that way, and then I say, okay, so when you started making out with Jacob for four pages... [1:03:46] and you could actually make out with him, you probably did fall in love with him in that moment. Because you're probably like, holy shit, what is this? What's going on? But yeah, so that's... [1:03:57] That's wild. That's wild. And then we still have... [1:04:04] Confederate Jasper. [1:04:06] Confederate Jasper gets more Confederate. Oh, he gets... He's calling people Miami. And suddenly he has a real, real thick drawl. Yeah. And only in some parts, though. Only sometimes. Yeah. And when he does... [1:04:25] He's just so proud to be a Confederate soldier. So proud to be the youngest major in the Texas Calvary. He lied about his age. It's... [1:04:33] I said, why do, why?

[1:04:35] Why are we harping on this? Because it's like he can be from the south... [1:04:40] From that time period. Yep. [1:04:43] And you could do so many different things with that. You could have ended up in the lore. You could have made him just... [1:04:47] you know, from, you could have made him from a really fancy ass family. Yeah. And he's just a Southern gentleman, you know, or you could have made him be so that like, he was, [1:04:59] in the war on the Confederate side unwillingly. Yeah. And that, that he carries that and that he says, I wasn't for the cause and it haunts me every day that I had to be part of that. And maybe that's part of why he has that power of like, that he can control emotions and like feel them. Exactly. Like you can make that a part of his past. Nobody's saying that you, you pretend the civil war didn't happen and pretend that Confederate soldiers don't exist. Like, yeah, [1:05:25] There's many ways to make that something in his past that you could get away from it. But they... [1:05:32] Just whole chest make him not only... [1:05:37] A Confederate soldier, a proud past Confederate soldier, but he is so psyched to bring that shit up again when he's talking to Bella about this. [1:05:45] He says... [1:05:46] When I was human, I lived in Houston, Texas. I was almost 17 years old. I was almost 17 years old when I joined the Confederate Army in 1861. I lied to the recruiters and told them I was 20. I was tall enough to get away with it. Jesus Christ. And then he says, my military career was short-lived, but very promising. [1:06:05] people always liked me, listened to what I had to say. My father said it was charisma. But I

[1:06:12] He says the Confederate army was new and scrambling to organize itself. So that provided opportunities as well. And I'm like, so we're like, we're really, he's just like, yep. Killed it. Loved it. Let's do it. I'm going to use my skills from there for this. Because even in the same scene, he's explaining to Bella how he was turned. [1:06:31] And he's turned by this woman named Maria. And he was, she was this Mexican woman that he had met while he was in the Confederate army. And he, [1:06:40] He's talking about it and he says her features were clearly Mexican, but she was pale as marble. [1:06:47] in the moonlight. [1:06:49] And it's like, there's a lot wrong with that. There's so much happening there. But I'm also like, so they even double down there by saying, and in the book and in the movie, they double down there by saying... [1:06:59] Even though this woman could have had like, like brown skin or olive skin or some type of like, you know, complexion that is different from, [1:07:10] pale white. Right. Right. [1:07:12] She didn't, right. [1:07:13] No matter what, you always are just pale white. Yep, you're pale white. As you're talking about a Confederate soldier being turned by, it's just, there's so much, and I'm just like, this is so weird. It is. It's weird that it just gets passed over, and then it's weird that, like, [1:07:28] We're supposed to love him and Alice, but I'm like, Alice, what the fuck? He's a Confederate soldier. Like, I don't like you got it. And he's still proud of it, babe. Not once have I heard that man say that. [1:07:39] I wouldn't join today. Or like... Well, that's the thing. That's what needed to be in there, is like...

[1:07:46] I am this great soldier and that, you know, I can, you know, it would have been perfect had he struggled leading. Yeah. Because the whole thing is like Jasper's helping them. Yeah. Like make, make an army together to, to face the newborn vampire army. It would have been even better if he struggled getting back into that role because he had so many regrets. Exactly. Exactly. [1:08:08] It's like that he just, he had all this regret. He has all this, like, shame on his shoulders. Yes. And also the Confederacy lost. So he wouldn't technically be a great leader because. Period. Because let's be real. The North remembers. [1:08:23] Let's just be real about it. A couple of Boston girls coming up. That's just history by me. It is, it is, it is. But it's like, why did, I think I just don't understand why. [1:08:33] Why was it brought into his present? Why is he proud of it? Why is it a part of everything you could have had? Because I don't see something wrong with having somebody in that time period, because it's a vampire, they're going to be from all different time periods. And people... [1:08:49] are different in different time periods. So I can see having somebody who, [1:08:54] Who was a Confederate... I will even give you that, which is giving a lot. A lot. Because I personally wouldn't do that, but I can... [1:09:01] at least try to wrap my brain around it. Like having it be historically accurate. Historically accurate, having that be his past, and having that be part of... [1:09:10] him becoming what he is today. Yep. [1:09:12] That's the thing, though. Make him grow. Yeah, there's no problem. And I don't, when he's sitting there being like, hell yeah, like I was the youngest major in the Texas Calvary, it's like...

[1:09:23] Fuck. He was like, I don't know about that. I just don't know about that. It's not good. So that was weird. [1:09:30] um i thought that was a whole weird thing another backstory though that gets revealed is rosalie yes rosalie's in this rosalie i have a lot to say about rosalie's is awful it's but i love her fucking revenge arc i absolutely love her revenge i would i don't think we got enough of it no i don't think we did either i would love to see more of it so that i could watch her slaughter all of those oh it would have been [1:09:54] say i wish oh one thing i noticed in the book uh [1:09:58] and I forgot about this, Rosalie is... [1:10:00] far more palatable in the book to Bella. She's nicer. She's not nice, but she's nicer. She's more respectful and less mean girl in the book, I feel. She's got mean girl energy, but Nikki Reed, I think, plays her... [1:10:17] I almost, I like her Rosalie better than the book Rosalie. Yeah. Because I think Nikki Reed does like, [1:10:24] just fuck y'all so well. Like she has that perfect delivery and perfect face for it. Like she can give such good expressions. So it is different to see Rosalie, uh, [1:10:35] be so different book and movie. But... [1:10:40] We get her backstory because she kind of storms out, at least in the movie, when Belle is talking about being turned. When Belle is kind of like being weird with Emmett about it. She's low-key flirting. And you're like, maybe don't do that. She would annoy me, to be quite honest. Once she was talking to my mans like that. But Rosalie in the book is talking about, and you know, she goes on, she tells her, like, this is why I don't think you should be so excited about being turned into a newborn. Yeah. And she tells the backstory.

[1:11:10] from like a middle-class family. She was married, but she said she was a looker. That was what she had going for her. She was the most beautiful girl that anyone had ever seen. And she even says in the book, which I literally wrote WTF, she wrote... [1:11:25] She was pleased, and she says, "'Pleased that men's eyes watched me everywhere I went from the year I turned 12.'" [1:11:33] oh that's not good that's upsetting that's not um but but that aside [1:11:41] uh she talks about how she was you know hooked up with this really fancy son of a banker royce king and royce king and her were gonna get married they were gonna have a lavish wedding and she says she was never jealous of anybody because she was a fucking dime what did she she was like what did i have to be jealous of she says except my friend vera and she says my friend vera was married to a good man and she had a little boy and she said she say like vera was like fine oh she she [1:12:11] say that until later. But she says, and Vera had a little boy, so she was a mother, and she said she wanted that. And she's like, and I was jealous. For the first time, I felt jealous. And... [1:12:21] But she's like, you know what? She's like, and I, you know, I went to her house one night. And as we were leaving, her husband, when he thought I wasn't looking, gave her like the sweetest kiss on the cheek. And she said, and for a minute, I thought like Royce doesn't do that. And like, that's not. And then she was like, but whatever, like, I'm gonna have kids someday with Royce, and it'll be amazing. I'll get the future that I want.

[1:12:51] I would be queen. [1:12:53] And I said, you're going to be his mom. Like that's somebody should have caught that. Somebody should have been like, Oh, nope. You either have to be the princess or he has to be king. Like you can't. Cause I was like, that's, [1:13:03] That doesn't make sense. No. And that's nitpicky in the book, but I'm like, ah! No, but I get that. I was like, you're gonna be his mom! That's just weird. Like, I don't get it! Don't be his mama. But she... [1:13:13] says that, you know, she was leaving that night. [1:13:16] and she happened to run into Royce and his friends who were drinking on a street corner. And he starts being like, Oh, like, look at my future wife. Isn't she hot? And they're like, she's wearing too many clothes. And they literally like, they assault her. Yeah. Like, isn't it like the night before she's to be married? I think it's soon. At least they rape her and they brutally assault her and leave her to die. Like on the ground. And I think in, um, [1:13:43] At one point, [1:13:44] It says that in the book, he says that when when they were leaving, she could hear them literally saying, like, you're going to have to find a new wife, I guess. [1:13:54] Because they were like, oh, she's dead. We killed her. Like, that's how little they cared. Nice. And what she does is she ends up getting turned by Carlisle, who comes across her. Bleeding in the street. And in the book... [1:14:06] She's met Carlisle. [1:14:08] Carlisle is the town doctor. Okay. And she doesn't like him. [1:14:11] And she doesn't like him because she said him, his wife, Esme, and who they were saying Esme and Edward were sister and brother at that point. And so she said that they all were more beautiful than her. And it irritated her that the men were more beautiful than her.

[1:14:28] So she didn't like him. I'm obsessed. And she says, so when he comes to save her, she's like, what the fuck? She's like, fuck you, you're being more beautiful than me. These more beautiful fucks are going to save me. So, of course, Carlisle turns her into vampire Rosalie. This really got me. Because... [1:14:48] She says she woke up and she says, shallow as it was, I felt better when I saw my reflection in the mirror the first time. Despite the eyes, I was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. It took some time before I began to blame the beauty for what had happened to me. [1:15:05] for me to see the curse of it, to wish that I had been, well, not ugly, but normal. [1:15:12] Like Vera. [1:15:13] so I would have been allowed to marry someone who loved me and have pretty babies. [1:15:18] Imagine reading your best friend to filth like that. Not only did you just read your best friend to filth like that, but you're literally saying that hot girls have it coming. [1:15:32] Bye. [1:15:33] And it's like, I'm sorry, what? That's you being beautiful had nothing to do with the fact that you were raped by multiple men and killed and left to almost killed and left in the streets. And everything to do with bad men. Yeah. Has nothing to do with how beautiful you are. Holy shit. Holy shit. And a better way to do that would have had her... [1:15:55] Sit there and say, I blamed me for it. Right. I started to blame me for it, but...

[1:16:02] Then I realized it wasn't my fault. It's pig ass men who did it. And that's when I attacked them. And that's when I attacked them. Because then after that, she says, this is so good. I picked them off one by one. And in the book, she's like, I've only killed five humans in my life. And she's like, it was all of them. And then she says, and she says, I didn't, I've never drank the blood of a human. [1:16:24] She says in the book, she's the only one besides Carlisle or no. [1:16:28] Esme. Okay. That hasn't drank the blood of a human. And she says, and when she says, I've killed five humans, and she was like, but I don't want their blood in me. Like, fuck that. What a queen. And she says, and she says, as she's saying, I left Royce for last because he knew I was coming because all of his friends had been murdered before him. She goes, so I killed five humans. And then she goes, [1:16:49] oh seven just kidding because of the doorman i was like that's amazing i was like i love that just kidding but i love too that she left him for last left him for last and then she banged that door down wearing a fucking wedding dress that is some ready or not type shit and when she says i was more theatrical back then i love it mickey reed eats that line too she eats because you can see in her eyes that she's like reminiscing on it she's like thinking about it

[1:17:19] love it i wish we got so much more of that in the movie i would love to see all of their backstory i want to see alice i want to see all of them i mean i could we saw i'm like you gave me jaspers and you don't give me anyone else i'll be so sad she was like locked away by her parents and i would love to see gift yeah like i want to see emmet like what the fuck i'm gonna show me emmet emmet was getting like mauled by a bear yeah show me that yeah let's show me what's going on and then [1:17:49] sad. She, according to the illustrated guide, um... [1:17:53] I think her son died. Oh, yeah. And she jumped off a cliff. Yeah. There was like crazy. Yeah. That one was really sad with that one. It's yeah. I would have loved to see that. Cause I, [1:18:02] I thought that was awesome. Yeah. And I just, and it, [1:18:06] I like how it gave you like a little, I do love that they gave you a little more to why Rosalie is the way she is. I do too. You know, she's like, why would you give up? Yeah. My dream. She doesn't do it in the movie, but in the book she talks about how she, because Bella's like, well, why the fuck did you, why do you hate me? [1:18:22] Like that still doesn't answer the question. Like why are you so mean? And she's like, well, she says that. And then she says, and also she was like, [1:18:28] I hate to do... She's like, I'm not trying to be stupid now. But she was like, it annoyed me that Edward... [1:18:35] thought you were [1:18:37] better than I was. Because they were originally going to be together. I think Carlisle had wanted a companion for Edward, but Edward wanted nothing to do with that. And she says, she was like, he wanted, he never showed interest. And she was like, and to be honest, I thought he was annoying too. Like, I didn't want to be with him. And she was like, I still don't. And she's like, it's not because I want to be with him. I've just never been

[1:18:57] the second best. I've never been turned. I've never been the, not the most beautiful. I've never been the Vera. Yeah. I'm not the, I'm the, I'm the Vera now. Like what the fuck is that? The normal looking. Yeah. No, fuck that. Like, she's like, I hate it. [1:19:10] And she even says something in the book about how, like, when they met the... [1:19:15] Was it the Denali tribe? Oh, yeah, yeah. And she says, like, it's all females. And, like, I thought, you know, like, and he didn't show any interest in any of them either. I'm like, what the fuck? Like, we were like, what's going on? Until you came. And later, Bella's, like, super insecure about that. And it's like. [1:19:31] Did they show interest in you? Like, who's that? And then we find out that one of them did. [1:19:36] And I think she comes in Breaking Dawn. I think we see her. Oh, shit. I'm pretty sure. I don't remember any of that. I can't remember... [1:19:43] who it is but interesting but yeah i love rosalie's uh backstory except for the fact that she's like you know what it was just because i was too hot if i had been ugly i would have been fine it's like whoa everybody's flawed that's that's not it at all babe [1:20:10] Improving your sleep can feel overwhelming. It's like, do I need a new mattress? Do I need to check this tracker that I'm on? Should I be taking this supplement? Oh my god, I think I need blackout curtains. Whoa, it's overwhelming. Upgrade your sleep by upgrading your bedding though with bowl and branch. It's simple. Signature satine sheets, breathable pillows, cozy waffle bed blankets, I freaking love a waffle bed blanket, and beautifully crafted comforters work together

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[1:24:15] Whether it's those long work days or trying to balance attention between multiple pets, Hill's Pet Nutrition gets it. [1:24:20] They've created science-based nutrition that supports your pet's lifelong health so you can feel confident even when life gets hectic. Because you're only human, there's Hills. Science does more. Ready to let go of the guilt? Find the right food at hillspet.com slash podcast. That's hillspet.com slash podcast. [1:24:44] Speaking of like relationship dynamics, though, we should talk about Emily and Leah and Sam. Oh, fuck yeah, we should. That is a fucked up story. Yeah. So Sam is like the leader of the pack. The alpha. And he is married or I think engaged to Emily. Yeah, engaged. [1:25:03] And she's the one, like, last time we were talking about, like, she has the scar on her face because she was too close to him when he phased once. And now, I think this is the first time that we're introduced to Leah in the book and the movie. Yeah. And she has phased. And remember, her phasing killed her father. Yeah. Yeah. [1:25:18] He had a heart attack. So she gave him a heart attack because he didn't think that, like, a girl could face him. Yeah. Because previously it was all just the boys that did. So she originally dated Sam for three years in high school. [1:25:32] her and this is all according to the illustrated guide her junior year of high school he just went missing because i think like weird shit was happening to him happening to him because he was going to be phasing soon and then he did he comes back after he's phased and is being like super duper secretive with leah and won't tell her anything won't say where he was like nothing and then he goes to a barbecue at her house with her family and emily her second cousin is there

[1:26:02] It literally says they were raised like sisters. Like they spent all of their free time together like bestie girls. [1:26:09] Yeah. [1:26:09] He sees Emily at this party as he's holding Leah's hands and imprints on Emily and [1:26:17] She drops Leah's hand and walks over to Emily and is like, what the fuck is up, girl? I would. What? I would like to play sunfire. What the fuck? Now, this is all according to the illustrated guide. Yeah. It goes so deep into it. I actually do recommend it. This is the first time that I've looked at it. Yeah. I bought it myself. So... [1:26:38] At first, Emily's like, fuck no, that's, like, super messed up to my bestie girl cousin sister Leah. What the fuck? Like, I would never do that to her. But then she just, like, can't really help herself, it seems. Well, that night he leaves the party. [1:26:51] And the next day, he breaks up with Leah. Yeah, like, inexplicably. And then starts pursuing Emily. And Emily's like, what the fuck? And she tells Leah. And Leah's like, what the fuck? And in the illustrated guide, it's like she can't help herself but be attracted to Sam either. And I was like, but that's not how you set imprinting up to work. It's not supposed to work that way. Because it's supposed to be like the wolf is the one that's imprinted. And, like, obsessed. He's the one who can't stop. In fact, and I'll find it, because what the fuck, I have a note here. [1:27:21] That says imprinting is fucking gross. Well, because while you're looking for that in the illustrated guide, it also says that it is physically painful for Sam to be away from Emily now that he's imprinted on her. Yeah. Like he can't be far away from her.

[1:27:37] After that, like that whole thing when like she, you know, they get together and all that. Finally they do. And Emily's like, yeah, I was like, I was trying to keep it, you know, but I couldn't stop. So we had to be together and I just decided to betray my friend. And it's like, okay. And then she's like, I tried to make it like not super uncomfortable for her. Then she asks her to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Emily? Emily? [1:27:58] Get fucked. Go fuck yourself. Get fucked. That is not girl's girl behavior. Are you fucking kidding me? If I was Leah, I would say I'd rather shoot my kneecaps out, both of them, myself, than be in your wedding. Thanks so much. Go fuck yourself, Oz. Guess what? I hope it sucks, okay? I will not be there. No, I'm not going to buy an ugly dress for your fucking wedding to my ex-boyfriend, you absolute trash asshole. Like, are you kidding me? I would... [1:28:24] Oh my god. You fucking... [1:28:26] dick muncher like i would i would go walter fray walter fray and red wedding i'd kill them all i would show up in chain mail and i'd be like let's go get the reins of castamere playing everybody and then i'd ride away on a dial fuck y'all i was so mad for her when i read that the illustrated guide i was like fuck you emily no [1:28:53] So then in the book, speaking of imprinting, in the book, Jacob mentions that... I'm sorry, I'm just picturing you in chain mail. Yeah. As Walter Frey. Just striking up the band. Let's go. You've got to play Reigns of Castamere. You do, you do. So...

[1:29:11] Quill, one of the wolf pack. [1:29:13] has met... [1:29:15] the lovely lady with which he is going to imprint upon. He's imprinted on one of their cousins, Claire, Claire, [1:29:23] And they're like, yeah, so they're just like kind of. [1:29:26] Like Emily doesn't really want him around. [1:29:29] Claire and then Bella's like [1:29:32] And Belle is like, well, that's weird that Emily would be like weird about him being a wolf. Like, is she being like stupid? Is she being stupid? Engaged to a wolf. Like, what the fuck? And he's like, well, no. [1:29:44] it's because Claire is two years old. [1:29:49] And I was like, and then he goes, don't be judgmental. Don't be judgmental. Oh, okay. Don't be judgmental. Period. I'm calling the authorities. Like, what do you mean? Don't be judgmental. Hello? 911? That's insane. Hello? Are you... [1:30:05] What? [1:30:06] And then he gets real defensive about this. I'm like, I'm sorry. If part of your whole vibe and aura is that you're... [1:30:15] your people, [1:30:16] fucking imprint on babies. Yup. [1:30:20] And that there's no man imprinting on a boy. There's no girl imprinting on a girl. There's no same sex imprinting. So it does imply romantic. And also they imply romantic things here. Even though they say there isn't, they always end up together. Yeah. And that's the goal. Right. So it's like there is romantic shit here. It's predatory. Fuck that. And so he gets so defensive about it. I'm like, I'm sorry, you need to be a little more open to the fact that this is going to fucking horrify everybody you tell. Absolutely. You need to understand that.

[1:30:50] And so he says she's like, yeah, that's really fucking creepy. Like, I'm not going to lie to you, bro. Yeah. And he's like, it's not like that. You've got it all wrong. And then he says, I've seen what it's like. There's nothing romantic about it at all. Not for Quill. Not now. [1:31:04] And I'm like, nope, that's still predatory, babe. Because he's just waiting until she's of age. That's still weird. That's even weirder, almost. And it says... [1:31:12] It's hard to describe. It's like it's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. The two year old? [1:31:25] And you're telling me that's not weird? What the fuck? You're telling me that two-year-old who just shit her pants is holding you to the earth? No, and she is. Like, that's what I call... [1:31:39] It literally, in the illustrated guide, it said, from the inside, there could be nothing more pure than Quill's feelings for Claire. Shut the fuck up, Stephanie! That he would never do anything to hurt her in any way, mentally or physically. I'm like, mentally, she might be fucked up. But it's hurting me mentally, okay? But it was mandated by the bond between them. All the wolves could experience the nature of his feelings for her, so they knew exactly how deep it was, but also how platonic it was. No! [1:32:09] so they kept the imprinting as secret as possible i'm also like that's even more also really nefarious but quill could only be content with his situation as long was as long as claire was happy and safe he was satisfied with life no

[1:32:23] And this is the thing. They're like, no, it's totally platonic. Really? Because what does this mean? When he's saying there isn't, you know, there isn't a toddler on the planet that will be more carefully looked after than that little girl will be. [1:32:36] That's weird and predatory. I like it. And then when she's older and needs a friend, he'll be more understanding, trustworthy and reliable than anyone else she knows. And then when she's grown up, they'll be as happy as Emily and Sam. [1:32:47] Okay, so you just ended up together. With them fucking. So why couldn't they end up more like a brother and a sister? Why can't they do that? Because it's not platonic. I'm like, do you know what platonic means? It's because... [1:33:00] They're not platonic. Nothing about it is platonic. They always end up together. That's the goal. The goal is for them to end up together. And I hate that they present it like that's not the case. I'm like, that's why the fuck did you make that up? Why did you make that up? The reason that she I don't even I don't even know, because I think she needed somebody other than Jacob to imprint on a child. [1:33:22] horrifying which is fucked that why did you need to imprint at all why why does this need to be a thing great question it's weird in the illustrator god it literally says of lesser concern was the fact that so many members of the pack was were imprinting according to legend imprinting was a rare event that the majority of werewolves would never experience but suddenly everybody's imprinting on everyone they blame it on the cullens oh please they say the pack theorized that the increase in [1:33:52] Yeah.

[1:34:03] But you know what that means? Procreation, which again points to them creating babies by fucking, which means they are not platonic. Well, and also, of course, that theory was dependent upon the truth of their first theory that imprinted imprinting existed in order to pass on the werewolf gene, a theory that in light of Jacob's imprinting experience has been called into question. [1:34:26] This is what I'm talking about. I'm like, you're just contradicting the shit out of yourself. Literally just contradicting the shit out of yourself. That whole paragraph that I just read, contradiction, contradiction, contradiction. Because you are saying the whole point of imprinting is to keep that vampire gene going by fucking. First, spreading seed. Ew. That's not platonic. First, you're saying imprinting is super duper rare and doesn't happen. Then you're saying it's the Cullen's fault, and now it's to spread seed, unfortunately. But at the same time, it's somehow platonic. Platonic. [1:34:56] but then it's not because Jacob imprints on a vampire human. Yeah. Named Renesmee. [1:35:02] Named Renesmee Carly. That's the other Carly. Can we talk about that? Which is Charlie and Carlisle together. One last thing before we go there. Go, girl. [1:35:12] That made me crazy. Is Bella, and when she tells them about Claire, the two-year-old, the two-year-old, that has no choice in this matter. She says, doesn't Claire get a choice here? Period. [1:35:23] And he says, of course, but why wouldn't she choose him? [1:35:27] And I said, okay, you can take several fucking seats right now. Why wouldn't she choose him? Because she's two? I don't know. Because there's a million other men on the planet, and she might like someone better. Because he's an adult that has known her since she was born, maybe? He's like a weird uncle. He's a weird fucking uncle that's waiting in the wings to date you. That's weird. Of course she doesn't have to choose him. That's bullshit. And it's just like showing, like, they don't have a choice.

[1:35:54] Because their only choice here is to one, give into it because why wouldn't you? And if you choose not to, [1:36:01] Then now you have just destined this poor man to a life of loneliness because he you are his one true person. Not only loneliness, if you don't end up near him, like in physical location, he will be in physical pain. And that's the thing. So it's like so it is totally on this woman. Yeah, this now. Oh, excuse me. This two year old. No pressure. That if she doesn't go with this and doesn't fall in love with him, that he now is just going. [1:36:31] for the rest of his life to be alone. [1:36:33] And in pain. [1:36:34] yep babe what the fuck come on come on motherfucker come on so while we were reading all of that we were like and then the renazme of all which of it all which we're gonna get to in part two yeah or in breaking dawn in breaking dawn but before we get there so we were just saying that obviously renazme is the combination of their mom's names yeah and then carly carly is her middle name according to the guide which is a combination of the dad's names so i said what would my child's [1:37:04] Are you guys ready? I don't think you're ready. Donnie Johto. [1:37:11] Donnie Johto goes so hard. Donnie Johto. Hello, I'm Donnie Johto. Amazing. Donnie Johto would be Carrie Dack. Carrie Dack. Carrie Dack and Donnie Johto. Why do they sound like two, like, Carrie Dack and Donnie Johto? I feel like they could go on a grand adventure together. I think they're like explorers. They are.

[1:37:34] I think so. I like that a lot. I'm never going to be over Donnie Johto. Donnie Johto goes so hard. It does. I love it so much. It really does. You know what doesn't go hard, though? Tell me, girl. Fucking Victoria's hair in this. Okay, so let's talk about the switch up. So, who was the original actress that played... [1:37:52] Rochelle Lefebvre. Oh, yes. Because she's not in this one. She got recasted. It's Bryce Dallas Howard. And it's interesting. So I was looking up like why she got recasted because she's literally like no no shade to Bryce Dallas Howard, whatever. No, she's just not Victoria. No, she's not. She's just not. She's not. The original Bryce, the original, the original Victoria was [1:38:22] clause in her, um, in her contract where she couldn't go do like another movie in the middle of filming. Yeah. Like for a super long time, but there was, it's, I mean, obviously I haven't looked at the contract, but she could, she could do like short stints. Yeah. So she accepted a movie that was going to be, I think there was like a couple days overlap during the three month period where they were going to be, uh, filming. Yeah. [1:38:45] Yeah. Eclipse. And apparently they were very upset about it, even though she was within her rights to do it, and they recasted her. And she was shocked, I guess. I think that was the dumbest move imaginable. I do, too, because here's the thing. It was said to have only been a few days over a three-month filming course. Victoria's not even in the movie that much. No, she's not. So you could have just filmed her scenes either before she left or when she got back. And to not give her... She's built up this character for two...

[1:39:14] two movies, and she's Victoria. I think she's amazing at it. And to not give her... [1:39:20] That end? That's so shitty. Because that's the thing, too. It's like, [1:39:24] this is the end of her anyway. Yeah. So let her finish out the character. Like, I don't understand as hell because also, [1:39:31] No shade to Bryce Dallas Howard. She did what she could do. They don't look alike. They don't look alike. And it's also like the hair drove me fucking crazy. Because. Because Victoria's hair in the first two movies, she's like feral. It's when it's like tousled. Like, and I live in the woods. I've been running through the woods kind of like. [1:39:50] big, wavy, just like, natural. That's the thing. It's not like curls. No, it's waves. And it's like, it's just like, [1:39:58] it's like a feral in like a gorgeous way you know what i mean like a fairy creature yeah like she is a fairy creature and it's like that and it makes sense and it works and then in this one they have it like super red it's like and spiral curled and crunchy like she literally looks like she took moose and scrunched her hair and it's shorter and it just doesn't work and it's not her [1:40:28] also like [1:40:29] Again, no shade to Bryce Dallas Howard, but she plays the role completely different than Rochelle did. It's like... [1:40:37] softer and like not as edgy and when she has a look of like uh like what and she sounds that way and i feel like victoria's like this slinky cat like like yes like and she's more she is i've never seen victoria in the first two book in the two first two books or the first two movies be like

[1:41:01] What? Like wide-eyed, like, I'm sorry, mister, what? Like, that's the idea that the third one gives, and it just doesn't work. And you don't understand why somebody on set wasn't like, let's try that again in like a different way. Like, I don't understand. [1:41:17] Rochelle. And even at the end, I was like, this isn't satisfying because I haven't seen her in two movies. So it makes me upset. Yeah, I really didn't like it. I so wish that we had the end with the real Victoria. It's true. With the real Victoria, please stand up. Truly. And another thing in this movie, just to like close all this out is... [1:41:36] Um, [1:41:37] Renee continues being the worst mother. Why is Renee not at graduation? She didn't come to graduation. And she gives Bella a gift when because so Bella goes to visit her mom because the Cullens actually bought her round tip round trip flight because she's going to be changed soon. So this is probably going to be the last time she sees her mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [1:41:56] Because also apparently her mom's not coming to her fucking high school graduation. Or going to see her in college. Like, what? She was like, I'm not going to come visit you. I was like, what the fuck? She's like, well, you're going to... Well, Renee's a bitch, according to the illustrated guide, too, because she hates the sun. She hates the rain. Yeah. So if she's not near the sun, she can't... She just won't do it. Yeah. And it's like, get over it. So she and Charlie apparently, like, met while she was on a road trip. They got married. They had this, like, whirlwind romance. And he was taking care of his parents. [1:42:26] his dad had some kind of mobility issue. So they lived like down the street and were taking care of them. And then...

[1:42:32] She just decided that she couldn't handle life in Forks anymore. And she was experiencing postpartum depression, too, apparently. And also, I remember this is a fictional character. Yeah. So she up and left Charlie and wanted him to move with her. And it literally says she knew it wasn't kind to ask him to abandon his parents. Yeah, like, what do you want him to do? So he was like, no, I can't do that. He's also their only child. Yeah. So she was like, okay, well, like, I'm going to go move back to California. I'm going to take our baby and leave. And she did. [1:43:02] Yeah. And then also she just like wasn't really a mom when Bella was growing up. The illustrated guide says that Bella was doing their bookkeeping by age 10. Yeah. [1:43:11] And her mom, like, never, like, didn't know how to cook, like, wouldn't make the meals. Literally didn't know. Like, she had to do everything herself. Like, when you read the book, and you read some of the things, like... [1:43:23] She was the parentified person. [1:43:27] child. Oh, absolutely. Because also, it even says in the illustrated guide that she didn't object to Bella leaving because she knew that she'd be okay in Forks. Yeah. And like, because she had found this new man. She was like, that's fine. Yeah, Phil. She's got her baseball player, Phil. It's like, [1:43:40] And he's adventurous like she is. I was like, wow. You're a shit mom and you probably shouldn't have had kids. It's true. And you know what? The last thing I have to say is... [1:43:50] I saw this pointed out by someone and I was like, I can't. [1:43:53] get over how much of a fumble this is, that they didn't use the... [1:44:00] The line from the book. [1:44:02] which is when Jacob and Bella are talking about like how he's like, you love me, but you love him like blah, blah, blah.

[1:44:09] So they're talking about how like, you know, he can deal with like she's saying like, you know, I have all this stuff going on. And he's like and basically refers to them as like the clouds in my life. And he's like, I can deal with that. He says the clouds I can handle. [1:44:22] but I can't fight with an eclipse. And Edward is the eclipse. [1:44:27] And that's why the book is named Eclipse. Right. And I was like, why didn't you leave that in the movie? Yeah. It's a good line, too, I thought. So I'm like, that was a weird thing to skip. That's very weird. That's literally the perfect way to end this. Yeah. Look at you. See? I didn't even know you were going to say that shit. The clouds I can handle, but I can't fight with an eclipse. [1:44:46] wow that is a great fucking line it is a great line [1:44:50] I love going over these movies. [1:44:53] More than I love oxygen. [1:44:55] Breaking Dawn Part 1 and 2 is going to be so unhinged that I can't even, like, this was subdued. [1:45:02] Yeah. [1:45:03] compared to what because we i think this just wasn't like our favorite one yeah it's not my favorite one so it really doesn't hit as hard but breaking dawn goes i also was just saying to alina i can't remember the last time that i saw breaking dawn no i can't either i had last halloween i watched twilight new moon and i watched half of eclipse i never finished it so we finished it for this but breaking dawn one and two [1:45:25] I don't, I... [1:45:27] The last time I saw those might have been the first time I watched them. Yeah. Yeah. [1:45:31] I don't know that I've ever rewatched them. I don't know if I have. I'm so excited. So this is going to be a real experience. And we're going to do two separate episodes. Yeah, we'll do two separate ones. We'll keep it going. Hell yeah.

[1:45:41] all right brothers well we'll see you then and we hope you enjoyed this we hope you did and we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird but not so weird that like you um act like anyone in this book period literally [1:45:57] Thank you. [1:46:27] Thank you. [1:46:57] Thank you.

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